you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
