We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
