well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
