woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Never underestimate the power of titties
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