Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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