Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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