she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
