It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
