the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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