I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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