I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
