Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
