# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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