I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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