real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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