I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
