He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
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