Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
