Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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