she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
