My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
