When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
