the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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