dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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