Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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