I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
