wanna go halves on a baby?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
