My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i think my cat just said my name.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
