when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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