I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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