Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize