she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
