When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
