I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
