i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
