You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize