Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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