i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
