You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
