They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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