tell your sister to shave her snatch
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
