the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
