You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Drunk is not a location!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
