I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
