I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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