Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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