You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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