planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
