i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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