please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
