nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
