he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just had sex bonerless
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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