Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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