i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
