I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
