He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
