So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
