are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
