I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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