She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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