From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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