That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
