The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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