the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize