I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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