i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
