To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
