dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
