"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
