i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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