Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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