Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
