Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
