Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
