I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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