I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
