I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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