trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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