hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
