She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
