Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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