did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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