I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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