Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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