I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize