It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
