first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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