So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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