just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
