Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
