Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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