wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
