i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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