He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize