so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
